Love Behind Closed Doors

Something my mom said recently has been sitting heavy on my heart.

She told me that growing up, she never saw her parents fight.

At first, I thought, How is that possible? Surely they had disagreements.

So I asked her about it.

She told me that one day she asked her mother if she and her father ever fought.

Her mother responded:

“That’s what a bedroom is for. Our disagreements are not for you to hear.”

Wow.

That hit me differently.

My mom explained that she grew up watching her parents respect one another. She wasn’t exposed to their disagreements, their frustrations, or the intimate details of their marriage.

And because of that, when she became an adult, watching couples fight was shocking to her.

Not because she believed marriage meant never disagreeing.

But because her first example of marriage was two people who knew how to disagree while still protecting the dignity of one another.

And I started thinking about my own children.

What are they learning from watching me?

They are going to see that marriage isn't perfect. They will see that their parents don't always agree. They will see difficult seasons, hard conversations, and moments when emotions run high.

But I pray they also see us choose:

• Respect over revenge.

• Communication over yelling.

• Forgiveness over keeping score.

• Humility over pride.

• Love over winning.

I don't want my children to grow up thinking a healthy marriage means you never disagree.

I want them to grow up knowing that

disagreement doesn't give you permission to disrespect the person you love.

There are conversations that belong behind closed doors—not because we are pretending everything is perfect, but because our children don't need to carry the weight of problems that belong between husband and wife.

And honestly, this made me look at my own marriage differently.

Because one day, my children may not remember every conversation Joey and I had.

But they will remember how we made each other feel.

They will remember how we spoke to one another.

They will remember whether home felt safe.

And perhaps most importantly, they will carry our example into the families they build one day.

My grandparents left my mom with a picture of marriage that still impacts her decades later.

I want to leave my children the same kind of legacy.

Not a legacy of a perfect marriage.

A legacy of a marriage where two imperfect people continually chose to love, honor, forgive, and respect one another.

Because our children are watching.

And whether we realize it or not…

we are teaching them what love looks like.

And this is exactly why I wrote We Need to Talk.

Conflict is inevitable. How we handle it is a choice.

Our children, our spouses, and the people we love are watching how we communicate when things get hard.

We Need to Talk: A Conflict Discipleship Journal was created to help us slow down, communicate biblically, work through conflict, and learn to have the conversations we’ve been avoiding.

Because sometimes the most loving thing we can say is:

“We need to talk.”

Learn to communicate.Learn to listen.

Learn to handle conflict God's way.

Your relationships are worth the conversation.